I was talking to a friend
(Super blurry photo of some strangers turned friends)
-Prague 2019
I haven’t known what to write, for a while now. I feel like everything I put out is depressing, that’s not my intension, and it was certainly never the goal. When I started this, I had so many letters and articles already written that I wanted to share with you. You know I love talking to people, I love hearing what they’re going through, what their story is, what they might want. I like to learn about strangers, people fascinate me, you fascinate me. I’m extremely comfortable talking about anything, I don’t think I’d ever be shocked by a question posed to me. The writings are my way to ease you into thought, to give you a passive understanding of what’s going on in my head. I feel that once a thought is put out into the universe that it’s now your turn to interact with it, or move past it. Moving past it is harder in person, so here’s my way to ease you in. If I met you, I would say all of this to your face, I would ask you questions about your mother, your childhood, your future, anything really. It’s not that I’m nosey, I truly, just am, very curious. This past year has been a little harder than I anticipated, not because I can’t see my friends, I’m used to that, it’s because I can’t make new ones. It’s because of the lack of spontaneity, that’s what’s killing me. Most of my friends don’t live in the country I live in so I’m used to being “close” to people I haven’t seen in years. I wish I could drive 10 hours again and surprise a friend or fly somewhere just because you asked me to. Yesterday, I was talking to a friend I met, almost 6 years ago now, and that’s the last time I saw him. Technically, I guess on paper we’re strangers, but I consider him a good friend. I was telling him that the thing that sucks the most for me, right now, is that everything has to be so planned out. You have to think ahead, I don’t like doing that. I love just fucking doing things. I love going on a 3 am drive with a stranger, I love high-fiving the barista, taking a flight to meet a stranger, staying on someones couch, I miss that. I miss the people I wasn’t able to meet last year. I like the unknown, I love the awkward moments, and those can’t be planned.