Thank You For Loving Me
Our friendship, from my perspective…
One of my oldest friend’s and I have known each other for 16 years. By all stretches of the imagination she’s had a tough go at life. We met in first grade and have been best friends ever since; however, after high school, she dropped off the map, and we didn’t speak for 4 years. At the beginning of the silence I’d reach out every few weeks, then every month and after a while, only a few times a year. But then when I hadn’t reached out in a while, she texted me, and it was as if no time had every past. She texted me, and asked me to meet her at the beach. Since then, it’s like everything has gone back to normal. We’re older, maybe a bit different, but it’s the same. She calls when she needs me and I call when I need her. My friend, she suffers from mental health issues, and during that 4 year gap, she thought she could deal with them on her own, that it’d be better for everyone if she just faked her way through a “happy” life. She thought that no one cared about her, she couldn’t distinguish the difference between someone who cares and wants you; versus, someone who doesn’t care but needs you. These two types of people usually come off the same way, unless you know what to look for. When dealing with deep seeded betrayal, coupled with mental illness, noticing the slight nuances of true love versus fake love can be difficult, and damaging. True love, is difficult and makes you aware of the difficulties, it tells you what’s wrong, what needs to be addressed, but also how to move forward in love, it helps you notice the blockage and move forward from it. Fake love, is perfect and blissful, there are hardly every any problems. If there are problems, they come off as a defect within yourself, that you are the problem for not accepting this “love”. True love makes you want to look to the future and move forward. Fake love makes you want to stay in the moment, trapped in an unknowingly misguided utopia.
A few weeks ago, my friend called me, out of the blue, I was worried, I missed the call and I never know if she needs me. I was on a walk, on 5th ave and there were sirens that drowned out the sound of her call. I took my phone out of my pocket, to start the podcast I wanted to listen to, when I entered Central Park, and I saw she’d called. I phoned her right back and she said “Thank You for loving me.” Those 5 words might be some of the purest, most releasing words I’ve ever heard. It acknowledged everything we’d been through together, it acknowledged that she knew she’d make it out, and that I’d be there, it acknowledged that she’d be there for me too and that she was thankful. After years of telling her, I cared, that I was here, that I loved her, she heard it, she knew it, she understood it, and above all that, was thankful. She had finally acknowledged that she was loved, and maybe for once, not alone. “Thank you for loving me”, has anyone ever thanked you for loving them, have you ever thanked someone for loving you? Is there someone in your life, that continues to love you through everything you put them through, is there someone, that despite everything, continues to show up? Yes, have you thanked them? It’s one thing to love, but it’s another the know you are loved.
All this to say that love, in any form, if it’s true, real and pure, it balances itself out.