The Fuck It Method
*warning, the following article touches on the subject of suicide.
I bet you never thought Pete Davidson would be quoted in a “self help” context, but, here we are. When talking about his dad dying on 9/11 (he was an FDNY Firefighter), and why he jokes about it, Pete said “That’s the worst thing that could ever happen to somebody. Now it’s just like, ‘Who cares, man?’” I had no idea someone else felt the way I did, until I heard him say that. I don’t know if I’ve always felt like this, or if it’s only since I fell. Something in me just says “Fuck It, what’s the worst that can happen”. It’s not that I like to put my life in danger, it’s almost a feeling, that nothing can happen to me. It’s not as big egoed as someone who thinks, they’re never going to die, it’s just Fuck It. On a flight from Toronto to NYC, when I was 17, after having sat in my seat and chatted with the lady next to me, for ver 30 mins; the pilot says, over the intercom, “one of our engines is down but we’re design to be able to fly one engine done”. The pilot said that anyone wanting to take a different plane was allowed to disembark and do so. Keep in mind, when I got on the plane, some seats had no seat belts (you were told to choose a seat with a seat belt), all the row numbers had been moved around, some cigarette signs were upside down and the overhead lighting was Christmas lights. So, everyone got off except for about 10 of us Fuck Iters. Best flight of my life, definitely the most interesting. I don’t seek out specific experiences, but when something seemingly horrible happens, like the car catching on fire, I stay calm, then that experience is remembered as fun! Even when I fell 25 feet, I remember looking down and think: “sick! I’m kinda flying!”.
After hearing about my head injuries, the pain I endure on a daily basis, and the lack of control I have on my life, due to those 2 things; people have asked me, why I haven’t killed myself. This is where the Fuck It method comes into play. Let’s move past how inappropriate that question is, and move on to the answer I always give. The first time I didn’t really know what to think. The person caught me so off guard and I might’ve been 16. I’d never really though about it until that point. To him I said “I don’t fucking know!” But now I know. Here’s what I’ve told people since. “I haven’t killed myself because whoever is in charge of all this (creator, god, etc) could’ve easily done it when I fell and didn’t. So I’m not going to take care of it for them, that’s their job.”
I don’t suggest you start living your life by the Fuck It Method, but if you already happen to be doing so, other Fuck Iters are here with you.