To Loneliness

CHAPTER 19

To loneliness...

Does being alone make me lonely? Am I lonely because I am alone? Why do I hate being alone? Is it because I can’t stand the silence? Do I like having someone else to worry about so that I don’t have to worry about myself? Or do I just like the sound of their voice? Does that make me selfish? That I need someone, anyone just so that I don’t have to think of myself. Do I actually care about them or do I care so little about myself? Am I scared of what I’ll find out? Am I not who I think I am? Am I anything? Would people notice if I wasn’t here? Does wishing to momentarily disappear mean that I want to die? Do all these questions mean that I think about myself too much? Or is it that I wonder what others are thinking? Do I care? What they’re thinking I mean. I don’t think I do. Maybe thinking is the problem. Can being, be, without thinking? This is what I think about when you’re around. This is how you make me feel. You, loneliness, you make me feel things. Things and thoughts that I can’t decipher. Are you lonely too, is that why you sit with us, is that why you seek comfort in other lonely souls, like you? I hate you but when you’re gone I miss you, because when you’re around all I can do is think. All I can do is sit, and listen. You force me to think and asses my life in a way I’m unable or unwilling to do when you’re not with me. Do the answers even matter or is the questioning that’s important? Will you help me find the answers? Do I need them? Do you know me? Do you know us all? Are you here to help? I’m here, I’ll see you next time.

That lonely girl,

The one who has questions