Understanding Boredom
I don’t know how to do nothing. I need to have a purpose when I’m doing something, I need to have an end goal. I think showers are boring. I try to take the fastest shower I can. I’m in I’m out in maybe 15 mins. I never understood how people could take hour long showers! What do you do in there? But, this year, with the year we’ve had, I’ve been exceptionally bored. I’ve been so bored, that to kill time, I take showers. At first they were 15 mins long, now I can stay a solid 45 mins to an hour. The main thing is that I don’t get bored in the shower anymore. I’ve realized that what I call bored, might be what most people call relaxed.
On my journey to figure out how to be less bored in the shower, I failed a lot. A few times I ended up just sitting down, because I’d done everything I came to do. I had shaved, washed, sugar scrubbed, facemasked, and still had only been there 20 mins, and was getting very bored. Twice, I started cleaning the shower, not my best moment. Eventually it just happened, I looked at the clock and I had been in the shower for almost an hour. I realize, this doesn’t sound incredible, but for people who know me, they know that that’s fucking incredible. I see a shower as a tool to get clean, you get in, clean and get out, but some things are multi purpose. I see a pool and think laps, if I’m at the beach, I’m swimming because I don’t understand just lying there. I have to trick myself into doing nothing. For example, when I go on a walk, I tell myself that I have to go on a walk because I have to go pick something up at the store. Or I have to go on a walk now, before the sun goes down, so I can see the sunset. I don’t run because no one is chasing me and I’m not running late, but give me a soccer ball and I’ll run. Do that make sense? I need a reason for doing what I’m doing. It doesn’t have to be a huge monumental reason, I just need to tell myself why. I’m not crazy to the point where I can’t do anything unless you give me a reason, i just don’t see the point. Then again, sometimes the reason is just because, and that works too. If you tell me “let’s drive”, I don’t need a reason, let’s fucking go!