Who has checked-in on you today?

I think I’ve mentioned this before, bur for the last few years or so, I’ve noticed that I truly believe that everyone is lying to me. I believe that every single thing coming out of someone’s mouth is a lie. It sounds dramatic, but whenever someone says something, it ultimately ends up, either being untrue, or not done. I don’t ask people for help because I feel, I either can’t trust that you’ll show or that it won’t be done right. The “done right” part, that’s on me; however, that thing, the thing that makes people reach out and offer help all the time, but when you truly need them, they’ve never heard of you type of “thing”, that’s on them. People will come up to me and say “oh my god, you should’ve called me! I didn’t know! I can definitely help you with that. You’re welcome anytime!” I called you and you said you didn’t have time. You didn’t know, because you never asked. You probably could’ve helped me, but you never emailed me back, or followed up. When I needed to stay, it was a bad time. Yes, people get to have excuses, it’s not always great timing, it’s not always that simple, however, when it’s always the same reaction/response, it becomes a pattern. While traveling, people to ask if they can come visit New York sometime and I always say “of course, you can stay with me, it’ll save you money on hotels.” Some people take me up on my offer, but many come, and stay in hotels. When I ask why, they didn’t just stay with me, often they’ll say they thought I was kidding. I started noticing this at a young age, that people say things just to be “polite”. I started noticing it, because people thought I was “lying” to them, NO! If I ask you to come, I mean it, if I say I had a good time, I meant it! People say “ this was fun, we should do it again sometime!” Here’s my problem with this sentence: if you didn’t have a good time, you don’t want to “do it again”, so, to be polite you say “thanks, I had a good time!” (white lie), then leave it at that. You don’t need to include that second part “we should do it again sometime” now you’re just trying to cover up the first white lie, with a full on lie. A white lie is to protect them, a lie is just to protect you.

Now for a story that sounds less doomsday-ey, A few summers ago, I was in Prague and met this guy at a hostel. This is not the part where I tell you a romantic love story so, get that out of your head! Anyway, so this guy seemed chill, and he came out with a group of us to go to a holocaust museum, then we all went out to lunch, walked around the city and headed back to the hostel. That night, the hostel was taking us all out to a bar crawl or something (I don’t really remember). Before leaving that guy comes up to me and says “I’m leaving at 5am tomorrow, so I’ll say bye now”, instantly I felt sad, I’d never had that reaction before to anyone! It was so weird! It felt, like I had missed out on something, we hadn’t talked that much and I felt I needed more time with him. He said “maybe I’ll see you in Vienna!”. He hadn’t mentioned going to Vienna before. We said our goodbyes, I went out, and when I got back he was still packing. I sat with him while he finished packing and thought, well at least I got to see him again and chill. I never thought that someone could actually be like me, and mean what they say, when they mention seemingly outrageous future plans, like meeting someone in a foreign country. A week or so later I was in Vienna, he was 15 hours away somewhere in Poland, and he took as bus to Vienna to hang out with me for less than 24 hours! We are still friends to this day, and he is the main reason I still believe in humanity. It sounds ridiculous, but showing up for someone, or just texting/calling them to check in, makes all the difference.

Recently, I’ve stopped texting/calling people that never text me first, and let me tell you, that was a harsh reality to face. Friends are not forever, but if you’d like them to be, show them you care, don’t just tell them.