To Sleeplessness

CHAPTER 9

To Sleeplessness...

Our relationship is bittersweet, the more nights I stay up talking to you the worst I feel. The more we chat the less my body heals. But I enjoy our late-night chats. I like to think about what could've been, the people I've met, the people I don't see, what I should've said, what I would dream about if I could sleep. You allow me to painlessly live through my thoughts at night, when I can't do so with my body during the day. I like talking to you, even if you don't answer; did that lady on the subway wake up in time to get off at her stop, did that guy I meet years ago have a good flight, did the cashier have a boy or girl, if I had said that would we still be in each other's lives, if I had stopped the car to pick him up would we be friends, did he pass his test. I do my best thinking when we hang out together but, in the morning, I regret not having slept, cause reality sets in, the moon disappears and my pain regenerates. If I’ve had an okay day I’m scared to fall asleep because I’m scared to find out how tomorrow will be. Other nights I pray to fall asleep, I pray to fall asleep as soon as I wake up, whether it be my physical or emotional pain, I want to skip today and wake up tomorrow hoping it’ll be better. You allow me to talk through my day and be honest with myself. It was nice talking to you, I'll see you tonight.

That chatty girl,

The one who just can't sleep